her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
