That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
