Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
