Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
