Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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