Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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