We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
