i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
