i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
