I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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