she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Say something about gay babies.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
