i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
