sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
