so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
