i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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