He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
