He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
