why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I look better un-naked...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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