her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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