Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
