Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
