Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
