I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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