I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
