As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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