I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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