This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
