She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
