you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
