imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
