I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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