strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sext me about skeletons
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
