Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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