Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
