no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
