she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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