I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
