The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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