my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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