Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
