dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
