You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
