Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.

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(509): View more from Washington

I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.

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(607): View more from New York

You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

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(972): View more from Texas

Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world

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(315): View more from New York

Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.

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(513): View more from Ohio

wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?

(1-513): View more from Ohio

how could i say no?

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(217): View more from Illinois

I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?

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(775): View more from Nevada

This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.

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