Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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