when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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