this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
