Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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