The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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