Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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