So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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