it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
