I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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