I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
