once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
