Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
